DrinkswiththeDevil

DrinkswiththeDevil

MichaelJacksonjourneystotheheartofdarkness
Michael Jackson

07 April 2004

Publication: Issue 38

AcounterblasttoJ.K.Rowling?PhilipPullmanhastakenofflikearunawaytrain,andtheengineerisstillstoking.Thefireboxisaninferno.Pullmanwritesaboutdaemons.“Shamelessblasphemy,”snarlstheAssociationofChristianTeachers.Pullman’strilogyHisDarkMaterials,adaptedfortheNationalTheatre,hasledtodebateswiththeArchbishopofCanterbury.IhavebeeninvitedtoPullman’shometospeakatawriters’gathering.Ihopethisisnotoneofthosegroupswhereeachmemberreadsfromhismostrecent
workandtheotherscriticise.“Yourpieceonmachoeating–duck’sbloodsoupversushaggis–wasn’tveryblasphemous,wasit?”No,notthatkindofgroup.“MynameisMichaelJackson,andIamaworkaholic”?Northat.Idosomehomework.IcheckPullman’spresskit.“Themostexercisehetakesisunscrewingthetopofthewhiskybottle,”sayshisbiofromRandomHouse.Ihavebeeninvitedtohishometoconductatastingofmaltsforacoupleofdozenwriters.ThisisonlythesecondIhavedoneinaprivatehouse.ThetastingissetfortheSaturdaybeforeBurns’Night.IdecidetoinvitemyladypartnerFrecklesandmakearomanticweekendofit.
Thedirectionsendinacountrylane,whereIshouldfindacottage“withlightsblazing”.WillDaddyDaemonrideouttogreetme?ThedooropensjustasIstumbletowardtheexaggeratedblaze.“Michael?Becareful.There’sastep”Thatisasapocalypticasitgets.Imanagetoretainmyfooting,andacaseofexpensivewhiskies,andshakehands.TheDevilisindisguise,asatall,wellproportionedman;hairthinning;whiteOxfordshirt;chinos;deckshoes.Theredlacescouldbedemonic.Yes,IamnowonfirstnametermswiththeDevil.Themainroomofthecottageissurprisinglylarge.Severalknockedtogether,Isuppose.Boughtwiththewagesofsin,eh?Surelysomereligiouschappiecouldbepersuadedtodecreemybooksasbeingblasphemous?Isupposetheydon’tdeliverifyoudrophints.It’sthesamewithhonorarydegrees.Philipgetsoneeveryday.Ireallymuststopgoingroundsaying:“Me.Me,me.”“Iwouldofferyouadrink,”saysPhilip,adevilwithsocialskills,“but…”Heisstoppedshortbythesightofglassesandwhiskiesemergingfrommypreciousbox.Iamplacingthemonalarge,oval,table.“Americanwhiteoak,”heassuresme.“Quercusalba,”Ireply,gnomically,likeacharacterinoneofhisbooks.“Applewood,”saysFreckles,pointingtologthefire.ThebreakinmybletheringisspottedbyFreckles.ShefillsitwithtwoofPhilipsbooks,whichshewouldlikehimtosignforfriends.“Doyouthinkhewouldmind?”shehadaskedme.“Idoubtit,”Iresponded.IoncechairedaneveningwithArnoldWesker,afterwhichsomeoneaskedhimifhewouldmindsigningafewbooks.Hesaidthat,ifanyonewasniceenoughtobuyhisbooks,theleasthecoulddowassignthem.Crisplyput,MrWesker,andmyviewexactly.Signingbecomestediousonlyinthelasthourofabeerfestival,whentheautographeeshavenoideawhytheywantmyJohnHancockbutnonethelessdemandthatIinscribeeverythingfromtheirbaseballhattotheirboots.Boobs,too,onacoupleoflesstediousoccasions.FrecklesisstillintheDevil’soffice.Howlongdoesittaketosigntwobooks?Shedidsaybooks,didn’tshe?Weneedtogetstartedwiththetasting.Whenthatisdone,wecangetonwithourromanticweekend.(Tobecontinued...)

Subscribe to Our Magazine

Published in print 8 times each year, Whisky Magazine is the perfect drinking companion for all who enjoy the water of life. Subscribe to Whisky Magazine

More From This Category

Wonders of Whisky

Subscribe to the Whisky Magazine Newsletter to see the latest in all things whisky